I wish sometimes that I had a crystal ball that would tell me what the future holds for me. My Bishop says that �Some people have to go through a little bit more than others, and that�s what makes them stronger.�

The sad part is that I am strong for other people and alone for myself. I wrote a poem and it described me as �having a heart of gold, patience of steel, and eyes of glass.� Honestly, folks don�t see that. They see what they need from me, and move on.

It�s hard for me to deal with a lot of daily issues because I am not around my family or friends. I have people here but it�s not the same. For example, this is the time that I call a friend; we sit in the Tick Tock Diner, eat, and smoke a pack of Merits until 3 am. I go sit in someone basement kitchen, we talk while there�s something baking, frying, or being prepared. Even though it sounds self destructive (clogged arteries, lung cancer), it helps.

These are all Systagyrl things that I can�t just capture with anyone. I think the closest song (not in its entirety) is �Girl� by Destiny�s Child.

I know that God is thee for me and will work this entire thing out but I just miss my friends.

Ciphasoul Communications, LLC 2005 �

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